NOTES - 2005

December, 2005

Very Busy. The universe is telling me to stay centred these days, and, in the midst of all the busy-ness, touring, preparing for a CD Release party in my hometown, writing, recording, holidaying, guessing at the future, making plans to coincide with the guesses, is sending signals to find balance in my life right now, (and balance I am finding is a relative term). SO, I'm making the time to go for a run this morning, as soon as I've finished writing in my journal. The snow is covering the roads and the stillness is palpable. It'll clear the noise from my head, get me back into my breathing, the centre always. It was my birthday a few days ago, and I have come to think of 'the birth-day' as a kind of central checking in point, a day to look past and future directly in the eyes and say, what is this life I am living here. I am attracted to philosophical whimsy, and the universe let down her strings of possibility and urged me to pull the ones that say, I have come to this place and here I am, simple, carry on. AND, So?..., the cold clear day is calling and my intuition is guiding me to smile and move my body, and go outside and breathe that cold air and, (I hate that shoe maker marketing has entered my glossary of pithy truisms) Just Do It. And speaking of shoes, I still haven't found my red ones!!

November, 2005

I've been looking for a new pair of shoes for the past few months, red ones. Spent one day of serious searching but mostly just remember each time I'm near a shoe store to keep my eyes open for the perfect pair meant just for me.The right shade of red is important, and of course the right shape for my feet, and compatible with my fashion sense to be as comfortable as it's possible to be when you're a red shoe. True, I don't shop all that often, but it's been months now and I still haven't found them. And I wonder, why, when so many people have the perfect red shoes, and sometimes more than one pair, is it so hard for me to find mine? Have I been gazing upward too much, watching the hawks that circle the forests and lake, thinking of them as animal totems appearing there to remind me to aim high? Maybe I need to gaze at my feet more often, ask them to take me where we need to go in order to find our red shoes. I could follow all the red signals that seem to be surrounding me these days, imagine they are beckoning me closer to my pursuit. Mars is so close to earth right now, I can look out at night through my studio window and watch her watching. Is she sending a message, pointing me in the direction of my shoes? And right here in my part of earth, summer vegetation has been languidly rusting into red autumn brilliance. Do these regressive hues have a deeper purpose, to urge me to concentrate harder because the force of change is unstoppable and missed red shoes will never return? I scraped the back of my hand the other day and a bright red mark appeared. I'm noticing red everywhere, except on my feet.

I sang for some wonderful people in Sudbury the other night, my first house concert in Canada. I'd been wanting to do one for a while, since some songwriter friends have recommended it as a great opportunity to sell CDs. I really enjoyed myself. The people were friendly and generous, my hosts were so open and hospitable they felt like family, Sudbury is a pretty nice northern Ontario town and it's a lovely drive from my place to there. But the thing that really struck me after a night of singing to the room full of new friendly faces is this; I need to sing, more than anything else. I need to sing because it makes me feel healthy and balanced. Singing is the one thing that fills my whole body with a resounding feeling of joy. And really, what else is there?

OK, there's still the elusive red shoes.

October 2, 2005

One year anniversary of Betty's death. I did the 5 km Run for the Cure held near Algonquin Park, and then stayed and sang a few songs for the other runners....Glad I could mark the day by going out there and celebrating hope.

September 28, 2005

The English I know is a language I learned splashing along the Moira river among the clatter of machines and industry that lined the roads that made up my town. It is a language surrounded by the sounds of riding my bike down old dirt roads that spread like destinations amid the hope filled stirrings of childish dreams. The English dancing in my brain is  the one shouted between my adolescent siblings, cobbled together through my parents' broken Norwegian thoughts. This is the beginning of the English I know. The English I know is a language I shared with friends at late night parties in the woods beside ice layered streets, careening off the backs of buses, ambling to Reids to line pockets with cigarette foils and English is the words poured out through grief of love wants lost and lust found loves on Presquille beach and backseats of blue gremlins before Speilberg and I knew anything about being a woman. Can Bjork, though Scandinavian like me, know anything of my English, is the heart she follows what I mean when I say I follow my heart. Can Andy, though English and Scots who learned original English and descended somewhat from Norwegian explorers somewhat like me, know anything of my English, is the word love meant in the same way as I mean the word love, I ask in my river road ice woods beach bedroom English?

August 2, 2005

Just returned from Los Angeles, showcase for distributors and label, making new friends, playing music and enjoying the 'vibe' of the west coast.  Stayed by the Farmers Market, supposedly the biggest of its kind in ( can't remember, but a big area) but found it small  compared to what we have in Toronto at St. Lawrence or Kensington markets and with fewer choices. And I really prefer the market at Gravenhurst every Wednesday though it ends in October.

Visit to Amoeba Records on Sunset and ( mind blowing choices of music ) bought Steve Earle's Copperhead Row and drove around Beverley Hills and Bel Air with my windows down and the music playing really loudly, feeling like a revolutionary shaking at the gates of hypocrisy

June 16, 2005

New label, new friends, my band All the Hanks (I call them that because I have a hankerin' for great musicians and they are), summer is here and I have a couple of months to get ready for the release of my new record, No Language.....

May 16, 2005

Photo shoot for liner notes, and the photographer, Kathryn Gaitens, and my art designer, Stephen Chester, came to my place to take the pictures. We had no idea what we were going to try to get, just had these broad thoughts of taking shots of the surroundings that are so much with me on a daily basis. Shots with rocks, forest, sky, fire, and water, ended up going right into the lake, (who was it said 'be ready to die for your art'?) and it was so incredibly cold, it's not long since the ice melted, literally thought I would sink, afterwards felt proud of surviving....hoping the shots are worth it.....I know there will be something there.  

May 6, 2005

6:00 am. Yoga, meditation, did my 'writingwithoutthinkingboutwhatI'mwriting'..and now, the garden is calling. None of this will be a song, but my soul is going to be singing my praises for digging in that dirt....

April 3, 2005

This would be spring except there is still a lot of snow around and it's cold and I'm still lighting a fire every night. This would be spring except I can't go into the garden yet and dig because the ground is still frozen. This would be spring except, there are no signs of life on the trees yet. I live in a cold climate, here in north Ontario. Mind you, it is beautiful in it's cold temperatures, and yes it's been a long winter (yes I am really tired of winter) but spring will come soon, and it will be followed by summer and all this cold will be a distant memory.

March 1, 2005

When it comes to doing the business of music, I want to follow one rule, surround myself with people I like. ....Bongo Beat in Vancouver wants to release my new CD....when I met Ralph the label owner I liked him right away. So far so good.

February 4, 2005

Year of the rooster. Those born in the year of the rooster are good for talking, relationships and showbiz. I was born in the year of the rooster. This year bodes well for show biz – things going well will go better – real estate will do well. Fire business, rising stars –  I'm a fire sign in show business born in the year of  the rooster, So this is going to be a really good year for me,....Thanks paulng.com

January 3, 2005

Happy New Year. I have been reviewing the past year and recalling the highlights. Touring in Europe again, this time all alone from start to finish, was a dream come true. Deciding to make a new CD, and then having everything fall into place so we could record the tracks in our own way, was magic at work. Launching this website, which I am still getting used to having at my disposal, is another strange and wonderful manifestation of serendipity. Losing Betty is the saddest thing, and yet her memory is so strong. I can still hear her say "Oh, just get on with it!" and those words have more power now than ever.

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